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See Chris Rock’s wittiest thoughts on love, relationships and marriage.
Apparently, not everyone thinks Chris Rock is all that funny … and apparently it’s not enough to say “I think I love my wife.” The comedian/movie star is getting divorced from his wife, with whom he shares two children. They’ve been married since 1996, so in terms of Hollywood standards, he’s been married for several lifetimes. (I also just found out that Chris Rock has the same birthday as me, but none of the news outlets are covering that. What a bunch of jerks.)
Rock is an outspoken comedian known for making jokes about race, politics and relationships. Considering this news, I’d be willing to bet that he’ll let his fans know his thoughts on divorce by the time his next special gets released. This news comes after a pretty good year for the comedian, during which he released the movie Top Five, which he wrote, directed, and starred in. Chris Rock has never shied away from any topic, so he’s talked about relationships plenty over the years. He’s said a lot of hilarious things about them, but also a lot of thoughtful and intelligent things. We’ve collected his best quotes about love and relationships, and they’re not always pretty. Enjoy!
Chris Rock On Lying
Chris Rock in ‘Bigger and Blacker’
“Men lie the most lies, but women tell the biggest lies … a man’s lie is, ‘I’m at Tony house, I’m at Kenny house!’ A woman lie is like, ‘It’s your baby!'”
– From Bigger and Blacker
Chris Rock On Hanging Out With Other Married Couples
Chris Rock in ‘Shoot the Messenger’
“Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.”
– From Never Scared
Chris Rock On Meeting People
Chris Rock on ‘The Tonight Show’
“Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain’t gonna be at the perfect time. You’re married, they’re single. That’s right. You’re Jewish, they’re Palestinian. You’re a Mexican, they’re a raccoon. You’re a black woman, he’s a black man.”
– From Never Scared
Chris Rock On Cheating
Chris Rock in ‘Top Five’
“You know the only thing you can do to stop your man from cheating? The only thing you can do … is be there. Where? There!”
– From Never Scared
Chris Rock On What People Deserve
Chris Rock in ‘Death At A Funeral’
“You know what they say, ‘There’s no reason to ever hit a woman.’ S*it! There’s a reason to hit everybody. You just don’t do it. S*it, there’s a reason to kick an old man down a flight of stairs. You just don’t do it. Ain’t nobody above an ass-whooping.”
– From Bring the Pain
Chris Rock On The Focus Of A Relationship
Chris Rock in ‘Never Scared’
“See … Relationships are hard, man. For order, for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page, both people have to have the same focus, and we all know what that page is. We all know what that focus is. In order for the relationship to work both people have to have the same focus, and what’s that focus? That focus is all about HER! It’s all about her!”
– From Never Scared
Chris Rock On Married Life vs. Single Life
Chris Rock on ‘Saturday Night Live’
“You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain’t no happiness nowhere.”
– From Never Scared
Chris Rock On Infidelity
Chris Rock in ‘Talking Funny’
“A man is only as faithful as his options.”
– From Bigger and Blacker
Chris Rock On Sex
Chris Rock in ‘Top Five’
“It’s hard for a man to turn down sex … if they chase us, we can’t run that fast.”
– From Bigger and Blacker
Chris Rock On Divorce
Chris Rock in ‘Top Five’
“So you gotta look at OJ’s situation. He’s paying $25,000 a month in alimony, got another man driving around in his car and f**king his wife in a house he’s still paying the mortgage on. Now I’m not saying he should have killed her… but I understand.”
– From Bring the Pain